Welcome to my flowing vortex of unconditional love, lessons, growth and ultimate eternal passion for all that IS.

Through the expression of these Short stories I aim to embed my love in to all of your hearts. I aim to simply share my insight and passion with all of you, each story has its own hidden messages and signs that I hope will all make perfect sense to you, but as every person has their own level of perception I understand not all people will resonate with what I have to say, but I hope it touchs the hearts of the people who are open to A universal love and community. - Merrie Mandana Tucker

 


My Dream Vortex - Part One

Part one- My Dark Dream Vortex.

I lay in my fantastic trance, in my heavenly bed engulfed by my comforting covers that surround me. It's pitch black all around me, all I can see is a faint street light glowing through my window from a distance, the fierce raindrops are smashing against the roof creating loud obnoxious sounds that quickly send me off into an all-consuming dream. For a while my mind drifts through the atmosphere dodging and diving through the endless vortex of possibility, absorbing all of the knowledge within reach. As my body falls into a deep trance, my mind becomes free, free to travel the dark depths of the universe and the atmosphere: Free to go and be anywhere it pleases.

I swiftly fall into an unfamiliar reality, a dimension I have never been before, a place without any feeling of familiarity. I glide through the sky bouncing from cloud to cloud slowly making my way down to the green soft landing. Remembering that this is a dream so I can do as I wish, there is no limit to what I can achieve here, there is no goal or completion, only endless opportunities and challenges. As I reach the ground my iridescent wings that arrived me to the ground safely disappear in an instant, returning me back to my human body, my necessary vehicle for the mission. Staring directly at me is the most incredibly beautiful vast forest, the largest space of green wonders that I have ever laid my eyes on, I turn all of my attention and energy on to the forest in order to spot a direct route to enter through, before my eyes I begin to see a magical pathway form out of nowhere. As I walk closer and closer towards the forest of wonder, the pathway grows wider and grander. The gateway is entwined with breaktaking purple jasmine and lavender plants that are seeping out from its every crevice, the incredible aromas consume all of my senses all at once, my senses become heightened filling my body with an irrisitable scent. The pathway creates a divide between the trees, allowing me the space to venture through.

The ground below my feet is made up of bright coloured mosaics, spirals of evolving patterns that twist and turn as I step on them. I find myself in a hypnotic state, one in which the path speaks to me; it shows me the possible events that could occur on my journey into the wooded fantasy, many twisted and intense scenarios begin to flood through my mind in a single moment that fill my body with a sense of fear, then in an instant flash I fall out of the hypnotic trance. I now begin to hear faint fluttering sounds coming from ahead, gentle little movements against the wind; at this point anything could happen, there's something both terrifying and comforting about being in the woods, almost as if anything and everything is possible at any given moment and your surrounded by a constant feeling that you are being either watched or guided. There’s a very fine line between the fear I am expierencing right now and also the excitement and eagerness that I feel in my heart.. You can never be to careful in a woods.. Who knows what’s lurking around every corner. I alertly look around me in all directions trying to spot the creature responsible for the fluttering sounds that now loudly consume my mind; but to my surprise I spot nothing in sight, the noise goes on for an enduring amount of minutes; gradually getting louder and louder, like a tape recording on repeat in my mind, with a broken volume button ferociously going up and up with no maximum limit to prevent its endless potential.

All around me leaves begin to fall very quickly, one by one all of the brightly coloured leaves gently dance their way down to the ground below, each leaf individually unique to the next and last to fall. All of a sudden a burst of rage consumes my body a feeling incomprehensible, something beyond words interpretation, with this rage my body decides to start running, before I know it I am fiercely and ferociously running through the forest with no doubt in my mind, forever travelling in search of my destination. As I run faster and faster the path grows larger and larger, like a never ending path to nowhere, or maybe to somewhere? perhaps a place I needed to be? I felt a sense of hope in the distance, something powerful was pulling me closer and closer encouraging my body to continue moving. I don't think i've ever ran this fast in my life, I didn't even know I could travel this fast on my own two feet, this feeling is pure like utter freedom. As if there is no worry of what may lay ahead because I know that no matter what happens, no matter where i'm lead to, it’s MY dream and I can choose how it unfolds, I decide how the magical fantasy is formed and created, Or do I?

It's like i'm invincible, it's like I have some form of indestructible power. I feel utterly unbeatable, unstoppable even. I come to a sudden jolt, my feet become fixated and glued to the ground below, I freeze staring into the distance. A little voice in the back of my mind begins to taunt me, I do as it says and take one step forwards..

Before I know it i’m falling through a dark, terrifying portal of existence. As I fall deeper and deeper into this unfamiliar reality my body begins to feels lighter and lighter. I feel weightless like a breeze, as if nothing could touch me, I then think about moving my eyes onto my hand to see if my body is still in tact, but to my utter confusion I no longer have a body and if I were to, it has now become transparent, in the space of a few seconds my body has just disappeared, leaving only my mind floating through the atmosphere once again. Where am I going now? Where am I being lead to? 

This time I fall into a reality I have visited many times in my dreams before, a place of comfort, or so I thought. As I hit the ground a large bubble entwined with every colour imaginable engulfs me. I now have my body back, but this time I am trapped inside a human sized bubble, unable to step outside of it, I remain stuck inside of a vehicle I did not choose to have. I begin to walk to the places I know and remember from my previous visits, I bump into a close friend of mine but am unable to communicate with her, almost as if my words cannot be heard, or I cannot be seen? I jump and shout trying to get her attention whilst waving my hand in front of her face, trying with my maximum effort to gain her attention, but she just continues to look straight through me as if i’m not there, her eyes are dark and empty, full of sorrow and doubt, her face looks dull and washed out, she looks so lost consumed with confusion. I’ve never seen her like this before, immediately I get a sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach, at this point I just know; something bad is coming..something bad is going to happen. What’s happening, why can’t she see me? Why can’t she hear me?

She begins to walk away from me, slowly making her way to the tree house we both built in a previous dream together. It’s been a long time since we both have been here at the same time, I just don't understand why we are being separated from each other, what is this dream trying to tell me? It feels like a dark force of pain and sorrow is surrounding us, making sure with all of its force that we cannot communicate with one another. As I follow her, the sky turns black and begins to collapse and crumble, black thick ink begins to seep from the clouds above, drenching the whole beach and surroundings in a thick black tar, as this terrifying event takes place I see my friend in the distance slowly begin to disintegrate into thin air, I see her vanish body part by body part until finally she was no more. I now stand in the middle of a burnt out beach intoxified by pain and dread, I feel cold and lifeless. Everything around me looks broken, burnt and consumed by a depressing thick fog. I remain inside of my colourful, protective bubble, not getting affected or tarnished by the toxic liquids that flow from above. This is the definition of evil, to watch a perfectly glorious beach and ocean become destroyed by darkness, to watch my closest friend look straight through me, walk away and then get sucked into the dark portals all around us, the portals that remain continuously lurking in the shadows, ready to pull you into a dimension that you’ll never be able to leave, a dimension of fear, pain, shame and enslavement. I feel horrified all I want to do is leave.

This reality used to be my sanctuary, one of my only safe places that I came too in my dreams, every other realm I fall into when i’m asleep is dark, depressing and utterly terrifying. I’ve now just stood and witnessed it become destroyed bit by bit, but why? I just want to leave, I cannot stand here for a moment longer and watch my magical surroundings become absorbed by the lurking demons that are trying to enslave my soul. I feel scared for a moment but manage to snap myself out of it, “i’m in control, it’s my dream”, Although I don’t know where i’m being taken to next, before I even have time to think about finding a way out, my body gets thrown into a huge whirlwind of water and sand, I find myself spinning continuously around and around moving so fast that a portal forms itself at the bottom of the waters i’m currently absorbed by, I get vicsiously sucked and dragged into the gateway below.

I fall through the clouds landing back into the centre of the forest, back to where I started. I hear terrifying loud screaming echos all around me, I look up at the sky to see the same black ink dripping from the heavens above, I feel cold and empty and uncertain of where to go. Is there other people in this forest? Or are these noises in my head?, it’s hard to know what’s real at this point. Suddenly out of nowhere a herd of animals appear; sheep, bulls, horses,deer and so many more viciously screeching and crying in pain, running with all of the power that they have, but wait, their running towards me? Fuckkk, I look down at my feet and remember the incredible power I discovered earlier on, I pray to myself and begin to run in complete and utter terror, I don’t dare look back as my ears can safely inform me that they are still running in my direction like theres no tomorrow. I manage to gain enough speed to lose them for long enough for me to find an escape route from the directed pathway they were running, I come to a stop and spot a small wooden cabin placed at the centre of a group of trees, almost hidden beneath tattered branches and leaves, almost buried from head to toe in earth and mud. I decide to walk over to it to analyze the situation, what if there was someone in there? What if they needed my help?, I pace continuously around it trying to absorb as much information as I can, trying to figure out what my next best move would be? mulling to myself over and over in my mind, should I find a way inside? At this point the windows are my most encouraging option, i’ll just smash a window and climb my way in. I laugh to myself because here, I have no fear, this is my dream..despite the fact that I still can’t figure out what any of this means? Do I wanna know what’s inside of this building, or should I leave and carry on my journey with no answers? But I need to know the answers, I cannot possibly leave without them. Or can I?

I’ve had enough of questioning myself and doubting myself it’s time to step up and find the answers my soul is searching for in this journey, I pick up the closest rock to me and walk over to the window and with all my force smash it open. I pull back all the branches preventing me from climbing through and safely create an entering point for me to climb in, enough thinking it’s time to find the answers.. As I climb through the window to my shock I fall down a huge dark drop, as I hit the ground I begin to lose all consciousness. When I awake I have no idea how long I had been knocked out for, I find my feet and remove myself from the floor, as I stand up I notice the most disgusting smell all around me, like rotten flesh that’s been left out for months. I feel utterly sick to my stomache, have I made a mistake coming here? It’s a bit late to turn back now. I can’t see anything around me it’s completely pitch black at the bottom of this horrendous dungeon, I have a really bad feeling about this place, bad things are happening here and I feel more fear than i’ve ever felt in my life before. I don’t even know which way to turn or to go, I have no sense of direction and all i can smell is that horrendous rotting flesh around me, the only sense that i’m able to use as it’s completely silent all around me, except for a faint sound of water dripping from above. I start to walk, to find my feet engulfed by a thick liquid, I bend down to touch the liquid below my feet and bring my hand to my nose to see what it is that surrounds my every step, all that I can smell is a strong smell of iron, this can’t be, there’s no way I am walking in a pool of blood, what’s happening this is utterly terrifying and i’m stuck here, how am I meant to move forwards. My heart begins to start racing, I feel so sick, I begin to feel dizzy and faint at the idea of blood being all around me, is this the end?  Am I going to die? This feels so real it’s crazy, I wish that I could leave I don’t know what to do with myself all I want to do is cry and scream, but I don’t want to attract any attention to myself. The dizziness begins to take over and before I know it I hit the ground fast, i’m out again...

Dreams or reality? Is there any difference?


My Dream Vortex- Part Two

When I awake the second time round, I find myself to be surrounded by what seems like hundreds of lite up faces all eyes fixated on me, staring at me in complete awe, as if they hadn’t seen another human being in forever. I feel slightly overwhelmed being gawked at by all these unfamiliar faces, where the hell am I? I sit up and can’t bring myself to say any words at this point, especially not until I sus out whether or not i’m safe here, although weirdly enough I feel quite comfortable as if I have been here before. I look all around me, the once dark dungeon was now lite up with hundreds of beautiful candles in every corner of the cave, and the smell of rotten flesh and blood was now replaced with sage that was being wafted around my head by what looks like an old shaman, a women of about 70 years covered head to toe in incredible amounts of jewels and beautifully bright coloured cloth draped all over her. They all start chanting around me as if to put a protective bubble around me, it seemed they were trying to get rid of some dark energies or it seemed as if they were welcoming me back?

The shaman looks at me dead in the eye and begins to talk, “i’m so happy that you’ve found us, I was worried you weren’t going to. I was watching over you the whole time, I had faith you were ready, the others weren’t so sure” the old women voiced calmly with a smirk on her face, whilst rolling her eyes and peering over her shoulder at a few of the others that were sat in the corner draped in fur coats. I quickly try to access what is going on but don’t have a clue what she is talking about, “ what do you mean I found you? Who are you? You speak as if I was meant to fall down that drop and end up at your rescue, what’s happening outside why is the sky seeping with black tar why is everything being destroyed, is it my fault?” I quickly projected all my questions on to this women in hope she could provide me with some clarity and answers that I have been searching for this whole journey. She looked at me and smiled,

“You have many questions young one, many questions you already have the answers to, but as it appears you have forgotten, I shall tell you the answers to the questions that you seek.” She paused and looked at me almost as if to check I was ready to receive what she was about to tell me.

“Firstly you were always destined to find us in your dream state, we are your spiritual family, you have been connected to us ever since you were a child, you just haven’t been aware of the fact that I have been guiding you throughout your dreams, you are in fact the warrior leading this battle and I have been guiding you to us, waiting for you to be ready” the elder women spoke with such sincerity, with no doubt in her mind. I tried to process what she was saying but still didn’t fully understand, how could I be leading a battle? And what battle?

She continued, “ The reason that I have brought you to us now is so that we can unite as one whilst the earth gets broken down and restarts all over again, so that the unity between us carries on to the next life, to the new brighter world, a world without fear”, I look at her in complete and utter shock, “ what do you mean the earth is getting destroyed and starting all over again? That makes no sense, this is all a dream though? None of this is real.."

The shaman spoke gently once again, “ yes this may be a dream, but I am channeling through to you the truth of this world and what is undergo, this may be a dream so may or may not be hypothetical, either way all I am here to do is pass on these messages to you. The 3D world is crumbling down, fear is no more, all that remains is love, all that remains is 5D consciousness, the earth has grown sick and tired of this toxic human virus that has abused the earth for so long, she’s taking her power back, she wants to start all over again. She’s giving us one last chance to get it right. But this means the earth completely re-generating, everyone must die in this physical form. Only those who have reached a certain level of consciousness will come back to experience purity and beauty among this earth once more.” I stared at her in complete awe, absorbing all of her words, they hit me so hard, I felt a beam of light go straight through my heart as if I already knew all of these things to be true, as if I had been waiting for someone to reaffirm this truth to me. It feels like I finally remember everything, as if i’ve been penetrated with a download of remembrance. I still have so many questions lingering my mind, I see her observing me as I let all of this information emerge inside of my heart, mind and soul. Weirdly enough I don’t feel overwhelmed I feel clear as if I had always known this was coming. An eager question pierces through my consciousness, “If you say that the 3d world no longer exists, surely that means that the people that are still living among this consciousness that refusing to expand their minds will have to wake up? Otherwise they will get trapped in this dimension when the world regenerates due to them remaining victim to fear. Can they change their minds before it’s too late?”

She looked at me surprised as if the answer was obvious, “ 3D consciousness as we know it only exists as an old programme of the mind, a programme that is playing on repeat in many people's minds as they do not know how to live any differently, that is your mission. To spread the truth so that you can encourage others to break out of there imprisoned minds. The truth is we all have a choice, but we don’t have much time left, if people choose not to expand their mind and match the change in consciousness then they will remain like you said trapped in all of the dark portals among the 3d realm, they will never transition or grow. Do you remember earlier on, when you saw your friend? She couldn’t hear you or see you? You watched her just melt away whilst you remained in your colourful bubble watching everything get destroyed and washed away. She didn’t make it in time, she choose to cling on to fear and got sucked in to the terrifying portals below. She couldn’t interact with you because you’ve let go, you’ve shifted along with your consciousness, you can no longer interact with anyone that isn’t in your realm of understanding”

My heart sank I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, everything actually makes so much sense, as these words digest inside of me I get hit with a wave of sadness and sorrow, sadness that my friend couldn’t find the light, sadness that it’s had to get to this point. It’s had to take people abusing themselves, others and the earth and still they refuse to see the light, to see the truth. My heart aches, flashbacks of all the people in my life begin to flood my mind and they trigger so many overwhelming emotions. It’s my mission to save the world, although it may be too late to stop the earth from riding the human race from this realm on a physical level, what I can do is spread the truth, spread the light, in the hope that people will see the truth of who they are. I have endless amounts of love for the universe and humankind and I wish to help humanity see their power, see there worth so that we can all make it together to the next realm, to the new birth of the world.

I let all of this emerge inside of my consciousness, I feel ready my path is clear I know why I’m here. Although I know this is a dream, it feels so real, it feels more real than so many waking experiences that i’ve had, and whether or not any of this is true or real, I know the messages are what’s important. As I begin to allow this new information to settle in, the lights around me all start to fade. The candles flicker and one by one burn out, everyone around me starts to slowly disintegrate and disappear. “NOOOOOO” I shout, “ What am I supposed to do now, DON’T GOO!, How on earth am I meant to get out of this cave?” I begin to feel a wave of emotion, sadness, joy, excitement and anticipation all at once, whats my next step? Now I remain sat in complete darkness on my own left with an intense download of information. This dream is so intense, I feel like I’ve been asleep for days and days, so much has happened and still I remain here, It feels like I am never going to wake up.

This has got to be one of the spinniest dreams i’ve had in a long time. I sit in silence and close my eyes and just start to process the events that have taken place, just as I begin to find peace within the silence and complete darkness, I begin to hear a loud obnoxious ringing sound getting louder and louder almost as if it is happening inside of my head.

I suddenly open my eyes to find my self engulfed by my warm comforting covers, I’m so thankful to be awake after such an incredibly long journey through timeless dimensions. Everything feels a lot more calm and settled now that i’m awake and back to reality, back to my normal life. I roll around in bed for a while enjoying the warm embrace of my covers before needing to get up out of bed to go to the toilet. I pull myself to my feet and stumble to the window to see what beauty awaits me for the day. As I pull back the curtains I scream in complete and utter shock to the site that awaits me, I gaze up at the sky and witness that same black tar from my dream seeping from the heavens above, drenching the earth with it’s toxic liquids. I don’t know what to do or what to think at this point, how could it be? It was just a dream...

The time is NOW.

Fear or Love? You decide.


At One With Nature

I sometimes find it hard to put my feelings into words, everything inside my head makes sense but trying to express my emotions through words is something that doesn't always come easy to me. My mind flows and grows through the vibrations I feel, the vibrations that consume my body, those vibrations express how it feel, what I see and how much love I really feel. The vibration that enters the deepest parts of my soul, that vibration is pure, that musical vibration is what truly speaks to me. Music is what makes sense to me, it is the essence of my purest and truest expression. 

 

As my body stands still on the edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean that surrounds me, I feel a sense of freedom, something about the all encompassing ocean draws me in closer and closer, the ocean lures my mind into the depths in which it travels, the bottomless depths below the surface, the unknown wonders that lay underneath. To my amazement I see and discover the shimmering ripples that echo throughout the waters, the tiny little kinks and patterns formed through the endless vibrations of the earth, I see a radiance of beauty glowing among the waters, almost like little bursts of bright light flowing and rolling against the tides.

As I stare into the beauty that surrounds my every direction, I feel a sense of connection to the source. My mind transforms into a state of pure bliss, my mind becomes silent and still.  As i now stand still daringly close to the edge of the ocean, I close my eyes and live among that pure feeling of stillness that is flooding my mind and piercing every center of my body. Without realising I had begun to take off my clothes, in the space of what felt like a moment, I was standing naked, pure and free, the cool ocean breeze flows through my hair, elevating my every nerve, my every sense. All I want in this moment is to become at one with the water, all I want is to BE the water. Without a singular doubt or worry in my mind I leap in the unknown, falling into the depths of the oceans that once lay only beneath me. As my body interlocks with the water I fall deep into the waves below, I remain endlessly falling through a portal of experience and unknown territory. As my lungs and body fill with water, the only feeling I am experiencing is a state of pure bliss, a sense of Ultimate being.

I quickly force myself to swim to the surface before I become engulfed by the waters for good. As I reach the surface my chest creases up and my lungs cough up all of the water that flowed through my every center, that cleansed my whole soul being. The coughing doesn't last for long, soon im back to my normal breath; as my body floats among the surface of the sea I couldn't imagine wanting to be anywhere else, I feel the most cleansed I have ever felt. Refreshed and recharged, connected to the love and power of all things. Isn’t it amazing that we are made up of 70% water, without water life wouldn’t exist, none of us would simply be.

I stay afloat with my back against the water, staring out into the sky, enticed by the vibrant array of colours that consume the clouds. The incredible patterns were transforming and moving , subtle vibrations of colour rippled through the heavens above. Its moments like this that make you appreciate your life, it puts reality into perspective, it allows you the space to connect with the earth whilst immersing yourself into nature as a whole.  We are all children of this earth born to live among the beauty and incredible opportunity that the earth is willing to share with us all, We are born to explore the world, explore the depths of the oceans, the skies, the mountains, the woods. As I think over this thought that’s revolving around my mind, I notice an incredibly tall tree, strongly rooted to the ground below, it grew taller as my eyes moved up it from the ground. Something about this tree connected everything in an instant, something about this tree seemed stiller than usual, it seemed strong, grounded and endlessly growing, like nothing could tempt it from its true purpose: to grow. In this moment this tree is what makes sense, I feel very connected to the presence and role that it has here on earth, it stays forever growing providing us with oxygen to live, it continues to grow more and more, continuously evolving and becoming the ultimate being that it can be.

So much peaceful energy surrounds me, so many incredible vibrations are filling the atomsphere.This tree that stands rooted about 3 miles from me seems to make life feel so simple, it foreshows me the truth about my mission here on earth. Like the tree I am here to remain grounded on the earth, aware of all my surroundings and other energies, but to be forever flourishing, growing and changing, to be following my path never allowing any external forces to distract me from my ultimate evolution. Both me and this tree are one, without this tree I would not be able to continue living my life, this tree supports me, keeps me moving and growing, without this tree I wouldn’t simply be. Gratitude consumes my whole body, as if a powerful energy had sunk its teeth into my skin, I remain powerless to the undeniable truths that are presenting themselves to me. I begin to feel an apparent tingling sensation run through the whole course of my body, I feel the years of programming and control finally release itself from me, squeezing its way out, all the negative energy is being removed from my psyche, in this moment i am being completely and utterly replenished. This intense feeling is indescribable, I couldn't ever portray this experience in words, but isn't that the most wonderful thing about it all? The idea that every experience you have, everything you see or hear is individually perceived by you and you only, the idea that your truth is only ever going to be real and true to you. The amazing feeling that only you need to know and feel what it is you believe to be “the truth”. All that truly matters is that you have your truth, and that you are open to receiving other people's beliefs and truths, whilst never judging another’s reality to be “wrong”.

I spend a lot of time mulling over this concept, realising that my life is solely in my hands. The vibrant sun begins to set and the water that once glowed brightly has now become cold and murky, I think it’s time to get out and find a nice dry spot to sit down. I decide to swim to the closest edge, carefully I pull myself up out of the chilling waters below, whilst lovingly thanking it for everything I had experienced and realised during our time together.

The connection between all things is the only thing I can see and feel right now, I feel blessed to be here on earth, I feel blessed to be apart of the divine. I wish only to live among the state of pure mindfulness and ultimate being, a state in which I am always aware of my earth, and what part i’m here to play, I am only ever going to live my life for the greater good of the universe, and writing music is my deepest expression of passion, it is my channel to and from the ultimate me. Life is precious and i’m here to immerse my soul into the opportunities that await. Reality is constantly changing and all we ever have is the present moment. Take each moment and flow with the vibrations, follow your hearts desires, your truth and heart are heard when the mind is silenced, when you are being, instead of thinking or doing. Never fear the unknown, take a leap of faith every single time and you will always be guided to exactly where you need to be.

 

*This short story was inspired by a very close person to me, a pure unique being, a very beautiful soul sister of mine*


The Shift in the abyss of her mind

The shift has begun, its time to step up.

An endless flow of thoughts consume my mind, fixating themselves on every finite thing surrounding them. It feels like a dark thick fog has taken over, that’s forming my every feeling and every judgement, i get lost in the abyss of my mind, not knowing which way to turn or even how to feel. I get lost trying to understand what everything means, why everything's the way it is, and how on earth i'm going to change the world for the better. Everything and nothing makes sense, which is a concept that creates a lot of confusion for me, trapping me into a illusion that keeps me over thinking, that keeps me worrying about never doing enough or achieving enough. It makes me feel alone, like nothing could ever possibly work out? This distasteful all consuming fog is breaking me, from the inside out i'm beginning to disappear, i'm losing my mind, my reality, my everything. This fog just won't leave me. A part of me finds comfort in this fog, as if it were to be a protective blanket of false reassurance, that will always have my back no matter what happens, I always be able to sit here and live in my mind comfortably, in a place that is safe, continuing to live among this imaginary existence until I die. This part of me enjoys to stay safe, this part of me likes to doubt myself, doubting myself means I never have to try and never have to get out of my comfort zone and learn, I can just sit and think about doing things, but never having to actually do them. That toxic part of me likes to stay in the negative illusion, the idea that everything's already messed up to the point of no return, so why does anything really matter, why does anything I do even matter?

All of a sudden a ferocious battle began to emerge in my mind. Every thought, every part of me all aggressively fighting off one another as if it were to be a fight to the death, in the space of a split second i’d lost all sense of who I am, what I think or what I believe, I have no sense of “right” from “wrong”, is this me finally collapsing? I have hit the bottom of the dark entwined drop, i'm laying at the bottom of the endless pit on a cold rough surface struggling to see anything around me; I stare up, looking and hoping to catch a glimpse of the glowing light above me. But to my utter disappointment all that engulfs me and my surroundings is a black empty nothingness, I see nothing, all I can see is black. But how can this be happening?, how has my mind fallen into a completely black hole, how is it I cannot think, feel or even communicate, but my body is still here functioning, moving, conversing, how does no one know that i've broken inside? How can no one tell that i've left, that i've gone to another realm, but my body remains in a state of sheer pain, a pain that cannot and should not be experienced. A kind of pain that almost feels normal, because i’ve become accustomed to allowing myself to be in that pain and that fog for so long, because I have allowed myself to fall and to keep falling, further and further down until i’ve reached the bottom,until I reached this cold dark place that I lay among in my mind. How have I lost the light along the way, i’m struggling to understand anything, nothing makes sense to me anymore.

I keep doing really stupid things, I keep making bad decisions, bad judgements, I keep acting out aggressively, I have no control I have no sense of direction, what am I doing and how do I stop this? It’s getting worse, I haven't felt connected to myself in what feels like forever, my mind has been imprisoned, I need to get out. I am hurting people, I am experiencing nothing but pure pain, guilt and hopelessness, I feel numb to the point that nothing could phase me. I'm already lost, so I don’t see the point in taking responsibility for the things i'm doing, everyone probably hates me, I think i hate myself, what's even the point?

I need to find my peace, I need to connect with my own love again, I need to break free from this endless pit of destruction,it feels like i’m losing myself but I know that this isn't who i am, this isn't who I want to be, I need to take charge I cannot and will not stay at the bottom of this compelling pit. I can not continue to allow this constant battle to be triggered in my mind. Instantly something connected,at the point of affirming this to myself an eager thought burst through my mind and pierced my every sensation, like a firework exploding, creating sparks and bursts of fresh energy. The first positive thought to have returned to mind, How could I have forgotten the point to life: “all that we are and all that we have is experienced through being and living in the now, feeling and experiencing every moment that blesses you, inhaling the energy letting it emerge inside of you, living it, then taking a huge breath and blowing it out, allowing it to dissipate and move on. Follow the light, follow your heart, follow harmony and always remind yourself of who you are. You are GOD; a generator, a operator and also a destroyer, you have the power to create, manifest and destroy. You can create life, live life and take life, but you are ultimately here to BE life. What you feel and think inside is an exact projection of what you will be experiencing on the outside. Externally you will manifest exactly how you choose to see yourself and the world around you, the choice is simple; you either want to live your life through the eyes of love, or you want to live your life through the eyes of fear. Fear is what leads you to remain “comfortable” and “safe” in a delusional state of mind that you didn't really choose because you were never told you had the ultimate choice to live any different. That fog is ruthlessly intoxicating, it removes you of all your power, eventually you just melt away losing any sense of who you are, what you want and how you would actually like to be living your life.Whereas if you choose to live your life through the eyes of love, you will experience and perceive the world around you with complete acceptance for all that is and with gratitude and unconditional love consuming your whole being, as you begin to understand that everything always unfolds exactly as it needs to within divine timing. You begin to shed your expectations as you learn to live fully in the NOW, embracing every moment that blesses you with its presence, instead of investing your energy in to worrying and fearing the dead past and the imaginary future The choice is in your hands.”

How had I forgotten such an important thing, how did I allow myself to fall so far, so far out of alignment that I was no longer me, all it took was me telling myself no more, me telling myself I wouldn’t take it anymore, this is all it took to safely return my truths to me. It's so obvious and clear to me now that I have the choice to decide, that it's down to me to make changes, it’s now or never. All of the pain is no more, my heart aspires to bigger and brighter things, it knows I deserve more; I know that i deserve more. I am a open vessel in which life flows through me, I am a visitor here to BE and experience life, but to never attach myself to external things, instead to embrace everything with love and compassion and to actually be an oracle of light, a constant flow of energy that's changing and adapting, growing and vibrating. I believe that I can live my life through the eyes of love, i'm ready to say goodbye to the hypnotic fear that has clung onto me for so long.

Now that I remember who I am again, now that I know and feel where my heart lies, and that is with nature, the universe and with the whole of mankind, my heart lies embedded among this earth. It's time to actually be everything I believe in, not just think about it, but to actually be it. It’s time to be the unique captivating energy that I am. I believe that through the eyes of love i will begin to notice the signs from the universe, the signs guiding me towards awareness,change and happiness. As I raise my vibration, through only allowing positive thoughts to influence my mind and decisions, I will begin to see how many others around me are also breaking out of their imprisoned minds, who are also ready to see past the lies and to look beyond a physical reality; a reality that encourages you to stay locked inside a box, a reality that will do everything possible to block you from stepping outside of the lines, from moving above and below them. I know that since i’m making the amazing choice to unlock the door and step through, I will never ever want to turn back. I will never focus my mind and thoughts on to negativity or on things I cannot control, I will simply always be an evolving energy that worships love; one love. A universal love, a love for all things, all beings, all creatures and all plants, I am going to embrace a reality of complete purity and of peace. I am ready to start.

I’m ready to be life, to experience life and to be love, I surrender the outcome to the divine and i’m ready to let go and move on.


When I Awoke

I awoke by the loud obnoxious ringing sounds of my alarm clock gradually getting louder and louder, forcing its noise further and further in to my mind. I then slowly began to move my relucant limbs from my cradle of fantasy. It seemed very much impossible to do so as I felt no physical motavation to make myself leave such a fantastic trance I had been in for the little time I had. 

I finally arose forcing myself to my window that had seeping beams of bright light emerging it's way through my dull and derivative curtains, as if they almost wanted me to free them from the tight grasp the force holding them together had on them. I held a tight grip on each corner of my curtains and carefully pushed them away from one another, but at the same time preparing myself for the luminous light awaiting me on the other side. The smoldering burst of bright light blinded me from all sight completely. 

This intense sensation lasted for an enduring amount of seconds before I was able to adjust to the glowing light before my eyes. In seeing such a beautiful and inspiring sight that echoed to the deepest parts of my soul, I assured myself of the distinct oportunities that were drawing me to the outside, the lighter and brighter side of the window. At that point I could of chosen to stay merely glimsing through a thin layer of glass, staying inside, staying in my comfortable bubble of reality and never really allowing my self the chance to step outside, to pierce the oh so comforting bubble. 

I quickly got dressed, not knowing or even thinking about where or what I was going to do, but with an urge of reasurrance and pure eagerness, I trusted that no matter where I was going I knew it was going to be truely beautiful, so I set off down the windey yet assuring paths that lay ahead of me. The incredible aromas of the fresh crisp air astounded me, Making me question wether or not I had ever acknowleged these sensational aromas ever in my life before, or even how many other simple but purely beautiful pleasures in life I had been consistantly and carelessly over looking each and every waking day of my life so far. I felt like I had been reborn, like my senses had been hightened, like a veil of cloud had been finally lifted. 

How could I have ever been so ignorant? How could I have ever not fully opened my eyes, how have I been living my life through such blind eyes and through such a closed heart. All these thoughts and questions were rushing through my mind, violently fighting off one an other, I felt like a blank memory stick that suddenly had heaps of data downloaded on to me. Then for a moment I stopped, my body froze, my mind became empty and blank like a fresh canvas. I felt still, grounded and free from thought. 

To my utter amazement, I had come across this small yet incredibly detailed creature, I stood still carefully analizing this beautiful and innocent living being that floated before my presence for an everlasting moment. I felt overwhelmed by its beauty, something about this specific being had me completely mesmorised by its utter perfection, every detail, every colour, every pattern. Eventually it fluttered away, and like me carried on down the windey yet assuring paths that lay ahead, but this time with a completely new pair of eyes, this time with a whole new level of awareness. Is this what it feels like to be awake? ..

Only you can choose when your ready to remove and peel back the veil. To open up your heart to the universe, to see reality for what it truely is. 

🌍